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From
an early Neighborhood Watch Palimpsest
BEWARE!
For there are strange and wicked men out there, who may waylay yer mama
if she is ever seen out of doors beyond the witching hour!
As a matter of fact, if it is ten-of-the-clock, and you do not know where
yer mama is, there is a good chance she is being used in a sexually objective
manner by some stranger along a dark roadside!
As forewarning, consider the following occurrences, which may or may not
have happened in our very community!
!!! Farmer Jospeh McRathbone's mother was out walking late one night when
a stranger loosed his pack of wild dogs on her. Old mother McRathbone
is luckily still well, although it has been said that the dogs all now
have rabies...
!!! Merchant Randal Jonspit's dear mother was walking home one late night
when she was waylaid while crossing a bridge. She was in control of her
facilities enough to jump over the side of the bridge into the water below.
Both the bridge and the stranger were washed when the water jumped out
of the river to avoid Mother Jonspit...
!!! While coming back from a game of nine-pins late one night, Brother
Francis Doymus's mother was treated as badly by some ruffians as she had
treated the poor nine-pins ball. That is, she was picked up, fingered,
and thrown directly into the gutter...
!!! Glassmaker Willy Lagerdoggter's mother Wilma went out late one night
and never came home. We believe she was abducted by a carpenter, for as
is well known, she was quite as flat as a board, and very easy to nail
as well, both of which are attractive traits to carpenters...
You may consider yourself warned. Please, for yer mama's sake, be on your
guard.
And if you perchance come upon someones mother being waylaid by a strange
man, beat the living shit out of him. Better yet, kill him, if you think
you can get away with it. We of the neighborhood watch will have your
back.
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