Luke,
Chapter 18, Verses 15 through 27
15
People were bringing even infants to him that he might touch them, appropriately,
and when the disciples saw this, they flipped their shit.
16
Jesus, however, called the children to himself and said, "Suffer little
children to come unto me, and do not prevent them; for the kingdom of
God belongs to such as these.
17
Amen, I say to you, whoever does not accept the kingdom of God like a
child will not enter it."
18
An official asked him this question, "Good teacher, what must I do to
inherit eternal life?"
19
Jesus answered him, "Why do you call me good? No one is good but God alone.
And Chuck Norris.
20
You know the commandments, 'You shall not covet your neighbors wife; you
shall not covet your neighbors ass; you shall not covet your neighbors
wife's ass; you shall not kill; you shall not steal, unless they have
two; you shall not witness false bears; honor your father and your mother.'"
21
And he replied, "Yeah yeah, big stone tablets, we know all that."
22
When Jesus heard this he said to him, "There is still one thing left for
you: sell all that you have and build a bronze statue of the Fonz, and
you will have a treasure in heaven. For Arthur Herbert Fonzarelli is as
near to my father as any mortal man can be."
23
But when he heard this he became quite sad, for he was very rich, and
preferred the Dukes of Hazzard.
24
Jesus looked at him and said, "How hard it is for those who have wealth
to enter the kingdom of God!
25
For it is easier for a camel to pass through the eye of a needle than
for a rich person to enter the kingdom of God."
26
A man who heard this said, "Must be a very small camel, Lord"
27
Jesus replied, "No my son, but a giant fucking needle."
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