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Coroner's Report:

Subject: James Douglas aka "Icy Stare" Douglas
Age: 76
Height: 5' 7"
Weight: 78 lbs
Cause of Death: Repeated Bludgeoning About the Head

Case History: The subject, a septuagenarian by the name of James Douglas, appears to have died as the result of what the papers are calling a "Grudge Match of Biblical Proportions." The accused, one Robert "Lazy Eye Bob" Jennings, was said to have started the fight over who had the right to deflower a certain vestigial virgin. The two squared off in the town's square, engaging in a "Duel to the Death", each wielding the traditional "tube sock full of gravel" and swinging at each other with windmill motions. One spectator was heard to say "Coor blimey, Bob just smacked the crap outuv'im, dinnhe?"

Anomalies noted during the autopsy: The contents of the subject's stomach were cause for some general concern. Found therein were: one pound of uncooked bacon, a miniature model of the tower of babel, and a the complete unabridged works of Homer only slightly chewed. The subject also appeared to have two left arms, one of which was sewn on in place of the original right arm. The missing right arm appeared to have been severed, in opinion of the examiners present, by a pack of wild babies.